my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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