I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
