today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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