it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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