It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
