He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
