It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
