you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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