Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize