Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
