Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize