i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
