I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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