Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
