So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
