He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
