i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
