i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
