I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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