I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize