You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
