I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
