So drunk its hurt
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
