I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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