Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
