I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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