so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
