There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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