Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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