you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize