my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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