My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
