Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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