I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
