is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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