The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
