I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize