I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
