Your dad touched me again.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
