yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
