I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
