just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
