i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
