apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
