ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
