xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i believe in u and ur pee
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize