i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
