I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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