I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
