i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just found puke in my bra..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
