dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
did you just send me my own nude
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
