I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
