Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
