Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
