I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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