i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
