apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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