I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
