Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
