dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
