do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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